Progenitor Submissions End Tonight!

Progenitor will be done taking submissions 3 hours afters after this post is published.

I nearly accomplished my goal of making the maximum submissions. I’m short by 2 art pieces, but I met the max for all literary art and that’s better than nothing.

My post was originally going to be a lot longer, but chronic pain triggers depression which triggers pain–the debate of whether the chicken or the egg came first comes into play on this. Overall, I’m not too sure how I feel about getting all the literary pieces in.

Even though I don’t know how I feel, whether it’s shame in myself for finding this a challenge or pride for pushing through the pain and dizzy spells, I do know that I want to try (self)publishing whatever doesn’t get into the magazine. Progenitor’s staff would have ownership of the piece if it gets in after all. That’s not a bad thing, it just means that the magazine would be the only place someone can find it. That’s not a bad thing either, it’s just how it is.

I’ll put up what I submitted if none of the pieces get in and then self-publish whatever the true product will be. A lot of editing had to be done to fit within the 2,000 words or less limits. They’re still complete, I just don’t think they have the same feel as they do with more complexity and different methods of explanation.

Maybe I’ll be able to properly reflect when I feel better later. I just don’t want to let pain, illness and depression rob me of my ability to write. It’s the bets thing I’ve got going for what’s left of me, I can’t let it go without a fight.

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Writing, Anxiety and Paranoia

I have anxiety issues. I have paranoia issues because they go hand-in-hand with anxiety issues. To say I don’t have either would be to tell one of the most BS lies anyone could hope to attempt.

Why do I have these issues? Well, why wouldn’t I? Almost everyone in my family has some some form of anxiety or paranoia, my time in foster care meant always being on my toes and sleeping with one eye open, I have a health problem I can’t get treated and the list only goes on from there.

Meds don’t help. It’s a habit I accidentally trained into myself. If anything, it’s proof the whole “use it or lose it rule–develop the adult brain with the pre-mature teen brain” is true.

Until I can break the habit, I can still make good use of it and concentrate on it with my writing. How? If part of anxiety and paranoia is over-thinking, then I can try and concentrate on details. It’s definitely helped me with essay writing–it becomes dedication in the research effort and editing for errors. As for my personal writing, I believe I have the determination to get the accurate information from research and to make every detail matter, allegorical or not.

It may not be a perfect cure, but you have to make some kind of closure with your enemies so they don’t fight as violently when you try kicking them out. Friendship with your demons doesn’t always mean granting them control.

How does writing help with your anxiety or paranoia? Are you able to concentrate it into something productive, or are your demons more powerful than you on some days? Does it affect your writing in a good or bad way? I’d love to read about your experiences.

Writing and Depression

I have been told, just like many people have, that keeping a journal can help with depression. Sometimes too, people mistake someone’s dark-themed poetry or writing as a warning sign in someone who is perfectly fine.

An example of journaling being helpful is the short story The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman–the husband not allowing his wife to journal because he thought it makes her depression and insanity worse actually allows it to worsen because her suffering has no outlet.
An example of writing not necessarily working could be Virginia Woolf–finishing a novel caused espisodes of depression that got worse and lasted longer with every novel she completed.

Why does something recommended for therapy sometimes make the problem worse? How does such a thing happen? I become depressed from writing as well, but not always.
I’d like to know what your thoughts are on this. Do you know anyone who has a reaction like this? Does writing actually help or make it worse? What are your experiences with such a thing?