With my new health problems, changing (improving) situation, and everything that’s helped me change and learn for the better, I’ve been struggling to be very creative. I’m even struggling to think of the right words for this post.

I have a steady, permanent job and I’m staying with a former coworker (long story short, I helped a coworker end some horrible bullying and they’re helping me after I strengthened our friendship by +10 haha), so my living situation is doing a whole lot better than before, but my health getting so much worse has balanced that out to feeling like there’s been no progress in fixing my life.

It’s different from a normal hemorrhagic cyst where a vein just bleeds into a cyst–the ovary itself is acting like a water balloon in holding the content of a ruptured vessel. It’s too unstable to be operated on just yet because of it being so large (the smallest one was the size of an onion) and hemorrhaging into every single cyst, making it complex and highly susceptible to rupture.
The doctors found out about two or three weeks ago that the uterus is permanently deformed and weakened from having the health problems for so long and the stress of previous surgeries. Once the mass is stabilized, it can be surgically removed and I can start physical therapy to strengthen it back up for further treatment.

I’m not in the mood to point fingers on who or what caused this. Getting treatment is a bigger priority than attempting malpractice lawsuits.

I’ve learned a lot from not only getting to take care of my health, but being forced to respect my limits and see that people take them seriously. It’s left me with a lot of time to reflect on everything I’ve been through over the course of one year.

Something I’ve noticed is that I’ve changed and grown to the point where what I like to create has changed too, yet I don’t know what those new things are just yet. I’m not too sure how to describe it.

I still have desires to complete unfinished projects, but with the changes, I want to completely redo them. I don’t know what I’d want to change them to or what new projects will be. I don’t know how much of my new health condition will affect what I create. I do know that people who’ve doubted me in the past are starting to realize that the stuff about this happening one day wasn’t crazy talk. Even if they’re starting to understand and respect that now, it somehow creates even more disconnect as I connect even better with a smaller group of people and less with majority groups.

The hospital has a policy to assign a therapist to people who go through more longer-term or difficult health problems to help them cope. In my case, a bit of it was to cope with the scary aspects of surgery, which aren’t that scary after having a few, but mostly for the fact that with these new-found conditions, my health is a part-time job that affects all aspects of my life and creates a disconnect in not having too many people my age go through these things. I don’t know anyone in person who does and they know that can create problems, so they want to help. I’ve yet to have a therapist respect the detail that I don’t know many people my age who have health problems that affect them like this. They’re even nice enough to respect my statement that my depression is almost always situational and that medication doesn’t need to be started right away.

I’m hoping that I can mentally recover well enough to figure out what I want t create too. I have game ideas, mostly because of how appealing parallax mapping is. Writing is surrounding a lot of that genre lately. Visual art is related to designing the character sprites, face sheets and busts of course. I’d need to save up for RPG maker of course, but that doesn’t mean some kind of short piece couldn’t be written to sponsor it haha.


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